Tales of the Parodyverse

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Neo Eden Productions.
Fri Nov 12, 2004 at 08:24:24 am EST
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Y’know… it really is kind of fascinating, watching a riot. I mean, it’s like watching lemmings jump off a cliff—there’s no real forethought involved. It’s stimuli and reflex in a Darwinian Gone Wrong poetry in motion sort of way.

Especially when your elected President of these pseudo-United States just so happens to have the cognitive abilities of a lobotomized chimpanzee whose mother and father really were all the worst southern stereotypes given horrific form.

Then, I’m afraid, all the will to fight according to established rules just goes out the window for at least half of our known world’s populace. If you’re having a hard time swallowing this notion, just remember what happened in Los Angeles after Rodney King got smacked down by the dumbest police officers this side of Mayberry. Apply this concept, then, to a level multiplied by thousands, and you get the general idea.

I mean, sure, Americans by and large don’t care about life, actual life, these days, as they have things like Survivor: This Time It’s Logical and Big Brother: Let’s Perpetuate The Paranoia Of Right Wing Extremists And Karl Rowe(who is, of course, a moderate, and we should never distrust the moderates. Oh no. Our Current Administration Can Do No Wrong, which is why everyone in my neighborhood’s grandchildren thrice removed will never know anything but a life of poverty because They just had to have their war-for-quota-du-jour) and the ever burgeoning threat of mediocre at best “singers” promoting their bodies more than their talent during overly hyped, and generally lukewarm sporting events.

Because, you know, the polar ice caps and The Ring Of Fire are going to bring about our doom if Janet Jackson does something ill-advised and pointless on national television. Celestial stars will slam into our crust with all the fury and grace of a vengeful husband when Eminem, who’s made a career of being, frankly, immature, loud, and moronic does something on a national broadcast that’s exactly what we expect him to produce for us.

Instead of choosing to support a world that others will say is crazed, when it’s really just sort of blasé, uninspiring, and sort of slightly above average at its best moments, why not make it splendid?

Why allow derivative crime fighters the honor of fighting crime, when I can do it for you?

I offer you a chance to become a member of Neo Eden: where you can take back your world, one country at a time.

All I ask in return… is that you give me nothing but yourself.

Because, in the end, the future is in your hands.

I only wish our current administration could have conceived of this in their first term… we might not have to live in such a state of fear, if our citizenry could have been taught to utilize their full potential for their own benefit.

I offer you your future, my friends.

Please don’t let yourselves down.

Nicolae Anton.



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